blessed.

I am blessed for having such great friends who constantly worrying about me. I know that I should never make them worry but I am just grateful for that. Thank you for worrying about myself that is always so immersed in complication and dilemmas. I know I am a complicated person but you guys do not mind that and instead want to get yourselves involve in my dilemmas. But, you know I know myself that I am complicated and negative when it comes to certain things but seriously, do not worry about me cause I am always like this and it could take years to let me settle down. Heee but thank you again and I love you guys!

unwanted

I’ve felt this feeling before and I suppressed it for a very long time, yet this feeling kept coming back haunted me every single breath I take. It’s not stopping and it doesn’t want to. This feeling of unwanted has been circulating my atmosphere for quite some time. Even if other people can breathe, I can’t because every time I tried, I suffocate.

my last ranting.

i feel safe here. i feel like i belong. in my own world. as if i can say anything i want and no one understand what the hell is going on with myself. cause i don’t know either. i don’t know myself. i don’t know who is Nen Aishar Yusoff anymore. i don’t know where i stand. i just.

14th January 2012

is tomorrow. my final paper. my final CALL. my CALL i presume?

tank.

i wonder how it feels to stand near the tank. i wonder if i stand there, would it make any difference. i wonder if that tank will save me.

too much.

i wanted to ask someone or anyone to save me but i can’t. i need to save myself first.

can’t go on.

after this week, i don’t think i can do this anymore. i don’t think anything is working out. i don’t think i want to. i just want it to end. these feelings is too overwhelmed with mixed emotions. it is not neither right nor wrong. i don’t know. everything seemed so vague.

the first Yes

to me.

for you.

I am here looking at something,

feeling every scars tattooed on my body,

breathe as I inhaled poisonous air,

I am dying waiting.

it’s been awhile.

i’ve been away for so long. haha. too stressed out and nothing interest me that much. okay, that’s a lie. you know so many things happened and my brain is pretty jam-packed. i have to digest certain things very quickly and keep myself in balanced, my brain too. anyways, i feel like i need to make this alive cause it’s pretty much dead now. well, got to go and face hellish obstacles. see you later